NAY-TAY: On the lives and struggles of Single Moms

NAY-TAY:

On the lives and struggles of Single Moms

SERAPION, JAY-EM B.

INTRODUCTION

Standpoint theory refers to how our social strata influences the way we perceive the world. Our experiences, race, class, geographical location, kind of job and sexual orientation affect our standpoint and actions.  Our social relations shape how we communicate and treat other people. It also claims that the oppressed have a wider perspective of the world because they are more exposed to the reality than the privileged. It gives voice to the marginalized by allowing them to challenge the status quo.

Bringing marginalized to the fore, we chose to forward the struggles of single mothers to address the issue they are facing and place it into a higher discourse.

“Nay-Tay”: On the lives and struggles of Single Moms,” focuses on the narratives of single moms and the challenges that they are continuously experiencing. It also tackles the way society treats them and their children. Furthermore, despite the backlash – the stereotypes, discriminations, judgments and repressions – that they are receiving, they still remain hopeful and resilient.

Single Mom #1: Rhym Lucanti, 21

Having a child and being impregnated at the age of 17 are Rhym’s main struggles. She was left with the responsibility of raising the kid when her partner chose to run away. However, she continued to pursue her studies and had no choice but to let her parents take good care of the kid even if it means being separated from him. At present, she’s taking her licensure exam review and has no plans to engage in a relationship. She’s focused on building a bright future for her and for her child.

 “Bilang single mom actually, uh, medyo nahirapan ako to raise up ang isang bata lalo na na yung sa age ko pa, age ko nung nanganak ako ay 17. So doble issue siya na teenage mom na nga single parent pa. Dun ako nagstruggle sa pagraraise up at a young age ng isa pang bata tapos nag-aaral ka pa so… Pero buti na lang may help yung mga parents ko so parang hindi na talaga ko totally hands-on sa bata, focus na lang ako sa studies.”

 “Siguro, girl power, kasi kapag nanay ka gagampanan mo lahat diba  as role ng mother, ng father, at the same time kailangan mo rin magprovide sa bata. Girl power talaga siya hindi, hindi ko alam pero, though kaya din ng mga kalalakihan pero may… sa mga kababaihan may something better na nabibigay nila sa bata.”

“Fulfillment and satisfaction siguro, kasi pag sa ngayon, hindi ko siya kasama pero pag kasama ko siya sa bahay… Pag-uwi ko ganun, nakaka ano siya, nakakawala ng pagod, nakakawala ng stress at the same time, sa panahon ngayon yung mga kababaihan ngayon career oriented, so kapag may anak ka as a single mom, wala ka nang pakialam kung magkaroon ka ng relationships, though may mga ibang ganun. Pero kapag career oriented ka and at the same time may anak ka na parang kumpleto ka na.”

Single Mom #2:  Ally Cruz, 36

Ally is a single mother of 2 girls— one is 7 years old and the other is 5 years old. She filed for child support but it didn’t progress because the father of the kids didn’t want to take full responsibility. She wants to protect her kids from judgements of the society. She mentioned that being a single mom is really difficult but it was all worth it since she’s still able to finance the kids, send them to school, and raise them as well.

“Pero syempre you make decsions for yourself but the only person you owe an explanation is yung anak mo. Hindi yung kapitbahay niyo, yung kaklase mo, yung teacher. Not anybody else but your child.”

“Usually kasi kung nalaman nila na ay single mom siya bakit? So parang feeling ko, at fault ako kasi ako yong babae.”

“Nakakaasar kasi why would you feel awa to that person eh dapat nga you should be proud eh kasi you’re raising two kids instead of you aborting the baby, di ba?”

Single Mom #3: Marrey Anne Garcia Arcillas, 37

Maan became a single mom after her husband told her he wanted a different life. Her husband came out gay and deciding it was the best for their only child, thus, they kept it a secret. Since being solo, she has been doing everything times two--job, time, sacrifices. She works abroad and while supporting her only child, Maan also helps her siblings and parents. She says it’s difficult providing for her family alone while struggling to keep a close relationship with her only daughter. For her, being an OFW and a mom proves to be a difficult situation.

“Mahirap magprovide sa pamilya kasi kahit dalawa lang kami ng anak ko, tumutulong din ako sa parents at mga kapatid ko. Ayun nga, mahirap kasi pag broken family. Tapos hindi mo pa nasusubaybayan yung anak mo. Nagkikita kami usually pag graduation niya lang tapos isang buwan lang bakasyon ko nun. Kailangan kasi magwork work work para mabigyan ng magandang buhay ang anak ko.”

“Ayun nga, mahirap kasi pag broken family. Tapos hindi mo pa nasusubaybayan yung anak mo. Nagkikita kami usually pag graduation niya lang tapos isang buwan lang bakasyon ko nun. Kailangan kasi magwork work work para mabigyan ng magandang buhay ang anak ko. Kaya as much as possible pinaparamdam ko na pwede niya sa’kin sabihin lahat. Tipong pwede niya akong maging bestfriend.”

“Actually nung una I feel na sobrang weak ko talaga na pakiramdam ko hindi ko makakayanan or paano ko ba malalampasan. But after three years na naghiwalay kami, dumating yung time na nakakilala ako kay God. Siya yung nagbigay ng strength sa akin mula nung nakakilala ako sa kanya. Nothing is impossible kaya glory to God. Yun ding naitaguyod ko yung anak ko ngayong college, lalo na malapit na siya gumraduate. Nandito na kami ng anak ko. Lahat ng problema nalalampasa namin, ayun.”

Single Mom #4: Edith Armada Mendoza, 49

Edith became a single mom after her husband left her. She takes care of her three children while the others are in the care of her husband’s grandparents. For her, the most difficult part is trying to make ends meet with such a limited budget.

Edith, her husband, and their six children were happily together for 28 years until her husband decided to up and leave their family for another. Three of their children are staying with Edith while the others are in the care of her husband's grandparents. For her, the most difficult part is trying to make ends meet with a tight budget. To make do, she sometimes finds a "raket" to rake up some money for her family. She says it's also hard being the only one listening and trying to resolve her kids' problems.

“Ang hirap kasi college na yung iba syempre gastos sa school tapos sa bahay. Kapag kulang yung binigay niya hindi mo alam kung ano sa budget niyo yung babawasan mo para mapagkasya lang.”

“Kami kasi ng daddy ng mga anak ko, hindi kami kasal. Kaya okay siguro kung pwedeng may batas na dapat nagsusustento ang mga tatay depende rin sa laki ng pamilya ganon. Kasi kung ako lang okay lang na iwanan niya ako, pero meron kaming mga anak eh. Kaya ayun.”

“May ibang pamilya na kasi yung daddy nila pero ayun. Siguro may tampo sila pero nandito naman ako. Isa rin yun sa mahirap kasi kapag sabay sabay ang dating ng problema, sayo at sayo lang pupunta ang mga anak mo. Pero okay na rin kasi alam mong pinagkakatiwalaan ka ng mga anak mo.”

CONCLUSION

Single moms are being taken for granted – their struggles remain unacknowledged, thus their problems continue to be in the periphery. Though being a single mother is widespread, people tend to neglect the fact that these individuals and their hardships exist, resulting to the callousness of the society; the existence of laws (i.e. RA 8972) which address the welfare of single mothers is a milestone. However, this action is still insufficient to support the rights of these women.

Knowing these information, we must not stay as consumers of information, rather, we must take the first step to challenge the status quo. Finally, as a communication student, we must care for the voiceless by setting aside our prejudices and by getting exposed to the reality of these marginalized individuals.